RanDumb Thought

I have picked this song because I think it is so beautiful and it inspired me to write this new entry. When I hear this song, I think about the person who will make me question my love for them and ultimately the love i have for myself and how strong the foundation is.

Through the shake of an earthquake, I will never fall. Thats how strong my love is.

But let us think about why we havent found someone to feel so strongly about. I can only speak through experience and the things I have witnessed. 

1. You are too strong! 

Ease up a bit. You dont have to walk around with your black power fist raised every day. Rest your pretty little hand and rest it in the hands of another. You dont have to always feel like the world is against you.

2. You are angry as HELL!

I totally agree that we have something to be angry about but life isn't that bad. Just be happy that you can be happy. I know it feels like you have dealt with some people you wish you hadn't, and you wish you never dedicated so much time on some people but you learned something from that situation... right?

3.You have slept with more people than you have toes and fingers!

No one wants to be with someone who anyone can have. That goes for men and women. I know you cant change what you have done but you can change for the better. Stop allowing the devil to settle on the best part. You are worth the wait.

4.You are a liar!

You tell someone that you are not looking for a relationship and you obviously are but you dont want them to think you are too forward. Stop lying to people about your expectations. Tell them what you want from them and if they are capable of meeting what you need, than its ok. They aren't for you.

5. You dont have a pot to piss in!

You can not expect someone to do for you what you cant do for yourself. Have your own degree. Your own job. Your own hobbies and friends. Dont think you deserve someone better than you. Make sure you're your best, and they will mirror what they see.

..another moment in you gravity

I still feel you here....holding me without touch...keeping me without chains. This may be the most beautiful song about being so attached to someone who you wish you could forget and unattach yourself from. Something always bring me back to you...i think everyone has that one person we wish we never met because they have a hold on us beyond our control. We think about them uncontrollably and if its not one thing its another..why they still live between our ears. We try our very hardest to forgive them and forget what they were but at one point they meant the world..and they still do. They still mean everything to us regardless to what they have done and couldnt want anything more than to forget they ever existed. There are moments where we stand so tall like nothing happened until we drown in that feeling that brings us back to our knees. I love this song tho..even tho the same person pops into my mind every single time i hear this song and i wish he didnt..this song expresses my exact feelings. I dont want to fall another moment in his gravity. 

Welcome to the G.O.O.D life

..the only thing i wish..i wish a Nigga would. LOL one of my favorite lines in a song but thats not what this entry is about. This entry is about introducing YOU to the GOOD LIFE...i am the good life FYI! You know how they say "dont Try to keep up with the Joneses," well I've got news for you..I AM the Joneses! Not like the way you are thinking. Not buy money and material items..but because I AM the best of His creations. So some people who read my blogs may not know me personally..or someone may want to know more about me so I decided to write this to allow you to pick my brain just a little...

I dont believe in horoscopes but i do act alot like how LEOS are said to act...
I am a little self-centered...not that much tho :-) But I dont demand attention from everyone..only ones that matter. And if i think you are unworthy of my time i could careless about the attention you give me.

I have the ability to create my own ideas and generate my own thoughts so I dont need anyone to think for me. I love that about me because in a world where everyone wants to be someone else..i just want to be me.

I have a poor sense of humor. I mean i am funny..but I laugh at stuff alot of people probably wouldnt.

Reading is essential to my life..

I am a sucker for romance. I watch too many love stories..and Ive been read too many fairytales about prince charming that i believe he exist. (Thank God my parents never let me believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny because my life would be a wreck at this point)

I use History as a way to determine the likelihood of the happenings in the future. If you screw me over..i prolly wont want to have you in my life anymore. Fool me once shame on you..fool me twice shame on me.

I have this weird ego. Like sometimes im way more confident than ive ever been but other times im just on my normal high. For instance..if a guy doesnt like me, my other ego will say "he must not be into girls" lol..alittle of Yeezy influenced that idea tho lol

Uggs are shoes hand crafted by GOD himself! if you dont have a pair youre not close to God!

My prototype is tall, light skin, MUSLIM man...college educated is preferred. Light skin is preferred too but I am an equal opportunity employer of the black muslim community LOL :-)

...hope this helps alittle insight..this blog was written because TALON told me i should write something like this lol (more to come later) [peyton <3]

..Love of my life

Since i was on the subject of my dad..i decided to post this video also! I danced with my dad to this song at my sweet 16! My husband has big shoes to fill but i know if he is who i imagine him to be, his feet will be too big to fit those already big shoes <3

..boundless gratitude

..i want my HUSBAND to be like my daddy! Beyonce has spoken from my <3 yet again lol...My dad has created the blueprint for my husband to construct a happy relationship between me and him. He is the closest thing to perfect when it comes to examples for other men to look and emulate him to truly show love to the women in his life. He opens our doors. Now some people say "how is that something honorable?" because it shows his respect for the woman. Whether it is freezing cold or scorching hot..if he is around my mom does not TOUCH the door handle. He carries bags. He make sure the women in his life do not struggle carrying bags. Although we are highly capable of doing for self..he makes it alot easier for us. He protects us. He wants to find out the intentions of every man in my life who seems like they may be interested. It may seem over protective but, I think its completely necessary! And this behavior is not just for my mom and I, but for my grandma, his mother in law, sister, nieces, granddaughter, daughter in law, and any other female in our presence. You can tell how a man will treat his wife by the way he treats his mother..and my dad treats them both like the queens they are. I want my husband to be like my daddy..i want my unborn son to be like my daddy [peyton]

..this time wont you save me

..I drove all this way to just find you and find myself, is actually a deep statement Nicki! Maybe I'm taking it out of context but I think she is saying she drove herself all this way to establish her dreams as reality and by finding her dreams she was looking to find out who she really was. She can't silence these voices in her head because the devil has one side and God has the other. She cant decide who to listen to because fame is so golden but God tells her everything that is glitter isn't gold. BUT...now that she has somewhat found who she may be...she needs another source of survival. She  is becoming tired of sharing her dream with herself...she wants someone else to save her before she gives up. Its lonely at the top and in order for her to want to strive to stay there, someone must save her from herself. You gave me strength/gave me hope for a lifetime/ I never was satisfied she says expressing that she gave herself all of this but wants someone else to give her strength now. Its not your fault/ im a bitch/ im a monster...these are why she cant be saved just yet because she recognizes that she can be a bitch but she's had to be to get where she is. Couldnt let anyone take advantage of her BUT she's alone on her throne..and all that are around her are women like her and dominant men.In closing, i think this describes 2 kinds of women; the women who work their asses off with school that they are unreachable by men because men don't want to be placed in a mindset that their woman is more dominant than them and the woman who has had to provide for her family for so long that anything a man can do for her she can ultimately do for herself---but both of those type of women need someone to save her from herself. <3 [peyton]

..your productivity is the reason I interest

..Pardon me if I'm sweating you but I want to see something else in you before I invest in you...[real shit] probably the realest shit I have ever heard Wale say. Ambitious girl. What about the Ambitious man? The man out there getting himself in order..for me..or her LOL..He is out there constantly training and conditioning himself to meet and overcome all obstacles in his path. And he knows his ambitious girl is training also..to keep a house..to rear children..to take care of her husband..sewing..cooking...and how to ACT not just home but abroad. BUT back to this ambitious man...he knows his potential but he searches to find a woman to help him meet his potential. his visions become actions through her...if he's the ambitious man. Ambitious girl you just want to win..and she wins by catching him..ambitious man. You're the prize, you're the golden egg, you hold the master key. Black man with a job, takes care of your responsibilities, never been to prison,  accepts his own and is himself, and creates happiness for himself...is a winner.A black man with a degree is the grand prize lol..but nonetheless he is a winner. This snippet of my thoughts came about as i listened to the lyrics to the song and another person in my ear saying how I NEVER show love to the men. Well *clears throat* this is my ode to the man...you are the prize and not being like the majority will prove to be the reason you succeed. There will be more to come about the man tho...i just needed a place to start! <3 [peyton]

Marriage dont Change nothing but your name?

...i beg your pardon Marques Houston! This is a reason why black marriage isn't happening often. One party is content with shaking up, making babies, and sharing chores. Another party wants the ring and legal commitment. If someone wants to make babies with you and live together then a ring should be required. Of course there are children who were born out of wedlock who are grew up just fine and had the best education and bringing up and there are also children born to married people who didn't do so well BUT why play Russian roulette with the future of your children? Marques Houston says you're ready but I'm not ready...MAN UP! What are you not ready for?! You been with this girl for SEVEN years and still don't want her to be your wife?! Stop hindering her growth...you don't make enough money to support her..then let her go and let her find someone who can! That's selfish of you to want to make her wait for you to get your shit together. SEVEN years have passed and you still are not sure if she is capable of being the one you marry? I do agree that its more than a ceremony and more than a wedding ring...but more changes than your name. He says he is proud to be your man...well I don't want just a man..i want a HUSBAND. LOVE IS DUTY...and if he really loved this girl he would marry her or let her go until he was ready to get married. He says marriage isn't something you just jump into but its been more than half a decade y'all have been together. The fact of the matter is...men like this need to MAN UP! Marriage should change everything..like your relationship status...income..amount of children..development..character..and name. [peyton]

..Dont let everybody test drive

..WE don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time... [let it marinate] We can jus chill and kick it! This song was recorded before Ciara wanted a ride and before Mase was signed with 50 or CMB or whoever he's with now. This is real...girls should know that they are more than just an object of pleasure. Offer that man your mind...and if likes when you are half dressed in front of other men he doesn't respect you or your body. Is it absolutely wrong to want to wait to have sex with a man or for a man to hold back before he sleeps with a woman? The law of nature is for each other to be attracted to one another. Thats the way God created us but He knew that sexual experiences fog up the thoughts and eyes which allows the heart and mind to act on impulse and not actual facts. Why not find a person who is in love with your mind and appreciates your body covered and not on display for the world to see. If a person pressures you to involve yourself in sexual acts they dont care about you. God promises everlasting life and waiting for that may seem forever which is why the devil whispers to you to indulge yourself in this moment of pleasure..cause in a moment later it will all be GONE. Now im not a preacher...and im not a saint but waiting awhile like Janet sings about isnt a bad idea. And youre probably wondering why you never heard this song...and its not because Mase put it out and he isnt the headliner he use to be but because the radio stations wouldnt dare try to educate you about this subject. Long story ending...ladies...gentleman keep your clothes on..until you find someone deserving ouf you...BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT! signed [Peyton]

..You showed me the real you

..thank GOD you blew it! LOL...after watching this video i fell back in love with being in love. Fairytales are not real Khaleefa (or Jazmin wichever you call me), you expect to much from men. Beyonce says thing i dont agree with..like girls running the world, but i def agree with her fairytale like video. She has given hope to us girls who long for prince charming. I WANTED YOU BAD...us girls think when we believe we found HIM. You know how religious folks say..claim it. So we claim him...and break our requirements and tell all our girlfriends the future we have planned for US lol...but not once did we think that the "them" they have shown us will be the "them" they really are. I speak for all the sleeping beauties out there...and when people show us who they are we dont want to believe it because we cant possibly imagine people being as wrong and cruel as they are. Even if they aren't cruel, they have characteristics that we had no idea they are capable of having. No blame tho..cause we thought they did  everything right...we were out of our minds LOL...Thank GOD they blew it tho! Signed fairytale seeking [Peyton] <3

..well we moving on UP...[i think]

..Its been about a month since I graduated from the illustrious North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University with my Bachelors of Arts in English with a concentration in Technical Writing. This entry is just to get myself back in the habit of blogging. I have missed this! I still am unemployed! Still single! and..still trying to experience life on my own. 21. 2 months from 22 and constantly thinking about what i will do with the rest of my life! I once herd that if you can imagine something then you know it will happen for you...well what happens when one cant imagine themselves married...or with children...or with a successful career. Because i dont see any of that. I am going to graduate school in the fall to study speech pathology [if i can change my major lol] but what good will my degree do for humanity? when will i fully start living for me?..if i knew then...what i know now i would have never come to North Carolina..never not taken school seriously...and moved to a bigger city with more oppurtunity. Floating in a sea of uncertainty but still keeping my head high... [sigh] ...yours truly P. Blake <3

..its forever

..F O R E V E R...that is how long I'm going to love you! I absolutely love this song and if God ever blesses me to meet my soulmate...this will be the song we share our first dance. If this is your first time listening to it, you might think you have heard it before and you're partially right. Trey Songz first song "Just Gotta Make It" was created over the beat to this song. I have been searching everywhere for this song and if it wasn't for iCarly (Carl B.) telling me i would probably never found it..A N Y W A Y...its such a beautiful song. Music today expresses love through sex and lust and sexual expressions but this song simply tells a person how long they are going to love them. They dont love them because they have a huge butt..or have long silky hair...or a certain skin color. They simply say..im going to love you and need you forever. You will be mine forever. And I LOVE IT! This kind of love is saying as long as one and one make two..we have love. To me love is just a relationship between two people with God in mind. They love each other for who a person is not because what they can do. I do need financial stability and a college degree but thats something you have for you. You dont get a college degree for another person..you get it to better yourself. Making money does help market a person but its not the first thing i look at (contrary to popular belief). But i just wanted to write this about this song..lol and wanted to share this beautiful song with my readers..thanks so much for the love! i appreciate it soooo much <3 [signed Peyton Blake in search of Forever]

...Black

...Shade doesn't matter heart makes the lover sings Chrisette Michele. Recently I went to a forum at my university, the illustrious [North Carolina A&T State University] and the topic was SHADE within the African American community. Many questions were asked but the forum was started with a youtube clip of the Tyra Banks show about race. A black mother was telling her son that she didn't want him to bring home a dark skin black woman. His response was, he hated that his mother felt this way and it made him sad. She later responded and said that the dark skin women in her community growing up treated her so disrespectfully that she grew to hate them. This dark skin vs light skin hate we have within our own community is the reason why we can't grow as a people. We are fighting each other as if we were each others enemy. While our open enemy designed this willie lynch syndrome and is sitting back watching us fight and kill over colors. This willie lynch syndrome has become so prevalent in our communities that some of our people don't even value a mate of the same color anymore. Just a few years ago, black people were dying JUST to be buried in the same cemetery as white people but today black people are justifying marriage and relationships with white people. In my house, bringing home a white man is UNACCEPTABLE...and in my home it will also be UNACCEPTABLE. I am not racist..I have friends that are white and i know children of inter-racial relationships however that is all they will ever be. Their are white men that are attractive however they will never understand what its like to be black in America. The white boys on our campus aren't slave owners..and i am not a slave but thoughts do not change over night. A black woman was reported to have still been enslaved just a year and a half ago...black people are given time in federal prisons for blue collar crimes..and high schools in the south have flags that are similar to confederate flags and YOU say this is equal? You still want to be with this white man/woman? Some people say slavery is over and why are we still living in the past? Its not a thing of the past if it still exist. Its the land of the free and home of the brave because Barack Obama is the President? I love Obama and his portrayal of black love and the lack family but let us not forget he is the Chief Executive Officer of the US Government and the US government is not in favor of the Black community. After all the nonsense George Bush caused why not have the fall of America be on the shoulders of the black man. When you want to take someones credibility away from them you deface their name and that's what is happening to President Obama. He's doing all he can for this country but this country is falling and its going to fall on his shoulders. Yet, as black people we defend white people and vouch for the American government like they give a damn about you and me. Like I stated earlier, I do not hate white people but I can identify with my people and if we could unite and overcome this Willie Lynch Syndrome finding a black mate wouldn't be such a frowned upon idea in the minds of black people. [signed Peyton Blake..in love..with Blackness]

...aint a woman alive that can take my mama's place

..there are so many times looking back when I was so afraid, and then you come to me and say to me I can face anything. I always use a lyric to title my blog and use a different one as an opening sentence or phrase because music is a great way of expression and communication. With 99 days left until I graduate from the Illustrious North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University, I was thinking about all that my mom and dad have done for me these 4 years. I also thought about who was missing during these 4 years and how they have crawled through the wood works with their expressions of happiness for this supposed success. I also thought about all those people who hated me for being different than them and made funny remarks because I talked proper, and wore my clothes a certain way, and even because I wasn't black enough because i wanted to educate myself and not be a product of my environment. All those people are saying to me today, "I am soooo proud  of you" and "Wow didn't that time fly by" or "I always knew you were going to make it" but why be proud when its convenient? You're so proud of me but you never pick up the phone to tell me happy birthday...this time flew by but not once did you ask my parents if they needed help to pay for tuition and you just knew i would make it but always made broken promises about what you wanted to do for me! I never asked anyone for a handout and neither did my parents because they worked hard to pay for me to go to school and they worked even harder to prepare me for life after May 7, 2011. I wish sometimes, that I could tell these people that i knew i would make it without you. I want them to know God made a plan for me and no where in it was their name. I just want to ask them..why do you hate me so much for doing everything you couldn't do? Why do you hate the people in my life they sacrificed so i could be better? Why do I have to be the bigger person all the time because you still don't know how to be? On graduation day...I really wish some of these people would just tell my mother thank you! Thank you for providing me with the best life possible...Thank you for showing me God..even though we don't call him by the same name. She did all those things going past her call of duty. I appreciate her and all that she continues to do because she is the best example to me, along with my grandma! I really cant explain how much i absolutely love my grandmother. She really is one of my best friends and she would give me her last penny if it could ensure my a greater life. She lives to make her grandchildren and children and daughters in law better and no one could ever take her place. But on May 7,2011...i just hope and pray everyone can show appreciation for who got me where i am..i don't want the praise and the well wishes. Thank them for allowing me to get here. [signed Peyton Blake..appreciative]

..but i"ll trust you Lord you have never failed me

...after you tried everything else..try me. God speaking. I've tried being mad at the world..I've tried being mad at the people who did me wrong..I've tried to pretend that i wasn't hurt at all...and i even tried to eliminate the people from my conscious mind totally where i almost believed it never even happened...and none of that has worked. But i didn't try God...well that's not exactly true..i have tried God just not long enough to get a result. This post is something I would write in my diary. Not post apart of my blog..but im sure their are many guys and girls who have dealt with the same things or have put someone through this rainy disposition. No matter what you call your God..His purpose is to provide comfort and assurance through your toughest times and hold all the glory and praise through the greatest times of your life. But what about in the between time? Do we only call on him when we are in trouble, trying to bargain with Him for a greater outcome or result? Does He bring us through these situations and we forget all that we said we wouldn't do if he granted us success? Or do we blame God for the trials in our life because we don't see faults in ourselves? What ever the case may be...trying God all the time would eliminate a lot of the slander going on through churches, mosques, synagogues, and college campuses. We put all these things before God but so quick to call on him when everything of this world fails us. I've been trying to find the first step in forgiveness of other people when i have to forgive myself first. Forgive myself for placing a person above everything i say i believe in. Acknowledge that these situations were put in my life as humbling experiences. Walking around like my life is golden..and making it seem that I had it all...when that wasn't the case. These trials were designed to enable my faith..faith in myself to get through and my faith in all i say i believe in. An invitation to Life...bad decisions..poor faith...unfit people..are all invitations to life. All those are ways to make you unhealthy..but overcoming those are invitations to life. But its our job to finally open that letter and apply the rules to our everyday life... so God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.[signed Peyton Blake...leaning on the Lord]

...best friends become strangers

I had a topic i wanted to talk about before this one but because it just was brought to my attention i will allow my readers into my thoughts on this topic. Lets start with why outsiders to situations are always so quick to jump to the aid of the bad guy and leave the victim to just get over a situation..oh yea until it happens to them! A&T is like a soap opera with out the cameras. Their is always something going on at this school that you would think getting an education came after finding a man or a relationship to wreck. Maybe because im selfish and i don't share or maybe because i know im worth more than having to share myself and my relationship with other people is the reason why i am one of the only people to see anything wrong with bitches that think its ok to interfere with someones relationship. (bitches are used for males and females in this context) Now i don't believe a bitch could wreck a home that was complete..but being the demolition person entitles you to take all blame. But blame is also on the bitch in the relationship that couldn't own up to wanting to be set free to roam the birds nests in the neighborhood. Its simple. just say goodbye! But it doesn't end there...then LIE when you are confronted about their indiscretion?! Be an adult about your dirt...you wanna be unfaithful, you want to lie..then own up to it. Say you did it..say you aren't sorry because you did exactly what you wanted to do. Tell the world maybe i am sorry..and low down and have no respect for myself. Maybe i don't know how to be in a successful relationship because all the relationships i have ever witnessed have been unsuccessful. My parents never showed me how to treat people and i never asked. Maybe because im living in the shadow of another person is the reason i don't know how to be myself. I will continue going on with life hurting people before they can hurt me. Those are just a few reasons why a person wouldn't know how to own up to their faults is my guess...I admit when I'm wrong even though i hate saying I'm sorry but its apart of growing up and becoming mature. We are about to enter the real world outside of college and wouldn't it be something if college not only taught us about our prospective majors but how to treat people. And how to have healthy relationships with people. No just boyfriend and girlfriends but friendships and relationships with professors and upperclassmen and underclassmen interactions. The title wouldn't be so prevalent on how best friends become strangers.. [signed Peyton Blake holding on to a stranger]

...i tried and tried to forgive you

...and its all because you lied! RESENTMENT..a beautiful song by Beyonce Knowles-Carter that was written during the making of Dreamgirls. I don't know if anyone else sees the irony between dream girls having resentment for those people in their lives that they felt were important enough to be the girl of that persons dream. We all search and some have found that person of our dreams but others are living a fairytale life without a leading actor for the knight and shining armor part. Some of us have THOUGHT we found that person or persons but ended up short. So this brings me back to... FORGIVENESS! I think we hold people to such a high pedestal that when they do disappoint us we are so heart broken. So i got to thinking (i think from time to time).. what if God judged us how we judge each other. Imagine if after ONE screw up He would completely be threw with us.Although i don't believe i have ever done anything that bad to a person where they don't want to even know if i exist anymore...i have lost friends over never being able to forgive. I still don't know where to start at to begin to forgive a person but we all make mistakes and some things i feel should never happen but who am i to judge someone especially if i haven't even tried to forgive them? I want to set my heart free..and escape this burden i hang over peoples heads because i feel that they owe me an apology (even tho it is common courtesy) because it will allow me to fully control my life. I don't know anyone who has a grudge against me because of something i did wrong...but i would love to hear what they have to say about why they think im such a monster. [signed Peyton Blake..on a road to forgiveness] 

..i cant play a fool anymore

Goodbye game...Chrisette Michele...why am i so forgiving? I asked this question to myself once before and tweeted about it and a follower told me its good to be forgiving. And we dont forgive people for them..we forgive them for our own sanity. But to forgive someone..what does that truly mean? Does it mean that we forget what was done and go on with life as if it never happened or do we use it for development for the next situation that may seem similar to the previous? Im not sure what forgiveness really means but i typed in forgive on dictionary.com and it told me that to forgive someone is to pardon an offense or to cease to feel resentment. So i guess its safe to say that if you resent someone than its no way you could have forgiven them huh?! if having resentment for the person who wronged us has to be eliminated from our feelings to forgive someone than do we ever really forgive people for what they have done? So what is the first step to forgiving someone? I have a hard time with accepting that people aren't who i expect them to be... I know I am not perfect and I'm sure I've hurt a few feelings in my day or said something i should not have but i don't understand why people play games. I mean why not just tell people what your intentions are so feelings are spared and time isn't wasted? Is that really too hard to ask..i've been told that i am mean or a nice mean person, or an asshole but i don't believe in lying to people to make them believe a certain thing or feel a certain way. So after it is all said and done why do people expect to be forgiven for creating something they could have prevented had they just been honest from the beginning? This is why i don't know the first step in forgiving someone for what they have done because its like was this the intention you had... just trying to begin forgiving people if only i knew where to start. [signed Peyton Blake..wanting to forgive]